The Benecol margarine radio advert has been driving me nuts this week. It's the one where they interview various people who say that they changed their lifestyle because they were worried about their health. They explain how they started exercising and avoiding unhealthy food and, along with all that, they had some Benecol margarine. Straight after saying that, they say their cholesterol levels went down and they'd recommend anyone else taking Benecol. So Benecol reduces cholesterol? Does it? Does it my backside! The advert isn't saying that. It's not saying anything! All it's saying is that some people who chose a healthier lifestyle seem to think Benecol might have had something to do with it. They could have walked around with a rubber ball in their pockets while pursuing these healthier lifestyles and recommended that instead! I could come up with an advert that says as much:

"Yes, I too was worried about my health, particularly after the triple heart attack I suffered one Sunday morning, causing me to tip unconscious into my morning's tray of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Fortunately, my wife Ruth saved me. She pulled me to the floor and ejected the crystallised sugar and 'hundreds and thousands' that were blocking my windpipe through a combination of the Heimlich Manoeuvre and her Dyson. Since that terrible morning, I've been a changed man. I've been running everyday, doing yoga, pilates, meditation and eating nothing but salads, raw sardines and Qiong Dik. But most importantly of all, I've been carrying a rubber ball in my pocket. My health has improved dramatically. I'd recommend to anyone that they carry a rubber ball in their pocket. If they want an example of how much help it gives, just look at me!"

How far can this idea go? It's not all that different from Power Balance wrist bands, as worn by several of our English cricketers. To quote from the Power Balance web site on the page 'Get the Facts':

"Power Balance stands by our products," said Keith Kato, President of Power Balance, LLC. "Millions of people around the globe are wearing Power Balance products and are thrilled with the results. Dozens of high profile professional athletes swear by the results they've experienced from wearing our products."

Interestingly enough, they have a very similar approach to the Benecol advert....

Based on the strength of the evidence based scientific support for these products, I think the 'the rubber ball in my pocket' idea has huge potential. The statements that could be made for its effectiveness are almost limitless:

Of course, I have an idea that only a certain type of rubber ball would be effective - a hand made one using special rubber bands carefully sourced from specific parts of the globe. It will be assembled using a mandala pattern that was lost for many centuries but was recently unearthed by an expedition to Tibet. The pattern was used in the most sacred Buddhist Mandalas but can now, thanks for advanced mathematics, materials engineering and a moment of inspiration in the bath, be used to construct a rubber ball.

Once the patent has been finalised and the veracity of the product's benefit confirmed through an extensive pilot study and feedback program, the TOTAL BALL System will be available on mail order. For the lucky first few buyers, it will sell at the staggeringly low price of only $400 per ball. Of course, every ball will come with a special certificate of authenticity, a DVD showing the many ways that the ball can be used and a series of interviews with the many people who've found that having a Ball in their pocket has transformed their lives.

Great rubber things are in store...

Tags: power balance