Sketch for Radio 4 show 'Newsjack' - David Cameron hires a zombie

Here's another sketch I've sent to the Radio 4 Newsjack programme. Old cuddly David gets satirised again...

(FX: NUMBER 10 OFFICE NOISES)

Aide

Prime Minister, can I have a quick word?

David
Call me David.

Aide
Um, David. It’s about your new senior appointment.

David
Isn’t he a great person? He’ll be a huge asset.

Aide
There’s a problem. Prime Minister, did you make sure he was vetted at the highest level before he was hired?

David
Unnecessary. I know Andy very well and trust him completely. There isn’t a single stain on his character.

Aide
We did some checks.

David
And?

Aide
He’s a zombie.

(F/X: DISTANT MOANING)

David
Oh. You spotted that.

Aide
Yes.

(F/X: STOMPING AND A SCREAM)

David
I think it’s important to give a man a second chance. Yes, he’s had some difficult times, he’s made some mistakes but I believe, deep down, that he can contribute a huge amount.

(F/X: MORE SCREAMS. DIM SHOUT OF "RUN!")

Aide
We think this might produce some political fallout.

David
Really?

Aide
You hired a undead, rotting monstrous ghoul of a man who’s only desire in life is to tear the heads off innocent people and feast on their brains.

David
You’re missing the positives. Andy is a very experienced operator. In his own way, I think he’s already had a huge influence on this government.

Aide
He has. He’s infected half the cabinet.

(F/X: MOANING. BASHING ON DOOR. MORE SCREAMS)

Shall I nail the doors shut?

David
Okay.